Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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