I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
