are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
