is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
