do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Are we still banned from the library?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
