is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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