didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
