I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
