She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
