nut hugger
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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