im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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