I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
