did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
