Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
