Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
