sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The best revenge is premature balding
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
