It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
