I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
