The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
