dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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