Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
