The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
