Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
