I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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