I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
