My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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