I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
