So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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