My room smells like vodka and shame
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
