He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
