drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
