im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
