I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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