You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
