i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
