Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
