What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
