I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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