Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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