It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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