So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
