Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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