dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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