First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm really busy with my period
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