fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
