if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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