I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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