remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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