why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
