is wine microwaveable?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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