dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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