i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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