this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
