My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
