So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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