You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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