Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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