i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
