I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
