Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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