I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize