the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
