No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize