apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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