is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
