Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
