idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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