Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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