so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize