she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
