If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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