the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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