Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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