Already got asked if we're dating
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize