Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You ate ashes out of my bong
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
